Communication is Key
We were so excited to start this blog and then the past few weeks have been chaotic and we haven’t even had a chance to write anything! Ali has been working crazy hours prepping for events in Palm Desert, CA and we’ve been planning our upcoming time together! Ali landed in Palm Springs on Saturday and by Sunday night (the night before the two-week event started), the event was cancelled. She’s super bummed BUT silver lining is she now gets 10 straight days with Kate! We are both super excited as this will be the longest time we’ve spent together. We will spend some time in Seattle and then take a trip together with Oakley down to San Diego for a long weekend of sun and exploring.
Ali here - something that has been on my mind a lot lately is talking about how we make long distance work. Especially since we are 2,082 miles apart. For those of you that haven’t read up on our story, we’ve been together since September 12 of 2019. We are officially at 6 months on Thursday! Although our relationship is still considered new, we feel like we’ve known each other forever and I can say that I felt that way the first night meeting Kate. Since September, we have only spent a total of 39 days together. That’s only slightly over a month if you think about it. We FaceTime every single night, chat on the phone when we have some free time and can’t FaceTime, or we text as much as we can. We stay in contact and in close communication constantly. Although it’s not the same as physically being together, it’s better than nothing!
I’m not going to say that being apart from each other isn’t hard, because it’s really hard. It can mess with our confidence in our relationship at times. Not necessarily in each other but there are moments where one of us gets super insecure and we have to reassure each other that we are in this for the long haul. Communication has been key in getting us through. I think that will be a big theme on this blog - communication - because it’s truly what we have most. If we can tell the other person is upset, we ask about it, we call, we force each other to talk through things. Yes, there may be strong emotions involved and it can be difficult, but it’s only making us stronger. I can’t speak for Kate but I can say I’m not great at bringing things up when I’m feeling insecure, am unhappy about something, or if something is bothering me. I’m one of those people that has always let things build up until they finally explode. That can’t happen in our relationship. First of all, even if we were together all the time, that’s not a recipe for a successful or happy relationship. But, especially since we are apart, we need to be able to discuss these things and do so in an appropriate way (not over text). I’ve learned to find little hints in Kate’s text when I know she’s unhappy. When I notice them, I pick up the phone and call. We talk it out.
One thing that has been a little bit difficult lately is that we are both coming off medication. It is two different types of medication but both have an effect on our moods and how we handle situations. I personally am coming off anxiety medication. I’ve been on anxiety medication for about a year and a half and it has done wonders for me. I can write another post about my struggles with anxiety at some point. But, the medication has also caused me to gain 20 pounds in the last year. I’m slowly coming off but I can tell I’m a lot more easily effected by things that shouldn’t normally bother me. I wound up crying on the phone the other morning when all Kate was trying to do was joke around. Again, we’ll get to this in another post.
Anyway, I guess all I’m saying is that if you’re trying to do long distance (and even if you’re not), communication will be your saving grace. There is nothing more helpful than learning and trying to understand your significant other’s communication style. It will help you to understand where they are coming from when they say something, but will also allow you to realize when they are unhappy or bothered and you can ask. Never be afraid to ask. The other person can always say if they are or are not yet willing to talk about it, but nothing can get fully resolved until you do talk it through. It can be scary and emotions can come up, but in the end, you’ll be happy you talked through it instead of bottling it up. And then you move on!
This is how we’ve made long distance work so far. Communication. That, and, taking trips to see each other as often as we possibly can.
We’d love to hear how you make long distance work! How has communication helped your relationship? Let us know in the comments!